


99 Bottles of Ketchup on the Wall

by Anonymous



Category: Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft, The Mechanisms (Band), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, and then you do it, and then you get egged on, and then you realize you could have the 420th fic in the mechs tag, btw this is the 420th mechs fic, look sometimes you write incredibly hyperspecific fics and think to yourself i shant post this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24580990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Lyfrassir Edda has become a good friend to Nyarlathotep. They have also become remarkably good at harnessing their powers. Nyarlathotep, regrettably, is still one traumatized fucker, and Lyf did a damn good job on making Sans.or"welcome to my hyperspecific hyperfixation hell"
Relationships: Lyfrassir Edda & Nyarlathotep, Nyarlathotep & Sans
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9
Collections: Anonymous





	99 Bottles of Ketchup on the Wall

There’s a Frisk outfit laid out on a bed of flowers, and a whole crafted world made for xem laid out at their feet, and Nyarlathotep is excited. Lyfrassir Edda has had their powers for a shockingly short amount of time, and has managed to craft a recreation of Undertale for Nya to walk through and play in and how can she not wholeheartedly take part? He slips the Frisk outfit on, and sets off.

It’s been a while (a never, that can be admitted to the self, at least, if not to others,) since anything has been quite this interesting. Quite this _fun_ , if he’s being honest with cemself. Lyf has a talent for this. The details of the world are impeccable, from the monsters to the bowl of (delicious) candy. Ze hastily rights the candy bowl, when it falls over. They should’ve heeded the sign, but Lyf had crafted an excellent temptation.

A message from Lyf comes in. 

succumbed to the siren song of the sweets I see

Mayhaps. They are, in fact, delicious.

glad to hear it babey (dabs)

All of this has been accurate, down to the tiniest details, and so. Nyarlathotep should not have been surprised to step out of the Ruins, leaving Toriel (and her excellent hug) behind, to see Sans. Ae turn, and stare at the skeleton in front of em.

Sans’s hand is not outstretched, although Nya can see the whoopie cushion there.

*you’re not even trying to look human.

*and you turned around before i said to.

*but do you think you can pretend, for a bit?

*i have a brother, you see. and if anything happens to him. Sans’s eye flares blue.

*you’re going to have a bad time.

Nya raises an eyebrow. For the rights of the monsters, Nya has arranged something like facial features on vir face, balls of light for eyes and slashes for eyebrows and a mouth.

“I don’t have any intention of harming anyone. I haven’t, in fact, harmed anyone here. Your brother will be perfectly safe with me.” Nya turns around, slipping through the bars, and sits behind the lamp, leaving Sans to hold a conversation with Papyrus.

This is going to be. Interesting to navigate. But Nyarlathotep is enjoying it, and can feel Lyf feeding on nir enjoyment, and _dammit_ but this is fun and she can feed off of Shub-Niggurath’s confusion and the chaos it’s causing in the city and it’s _fun_ and he hasn’t had fun in- hasn’t had fun except for with Lyf. So surely some sort of treaty can be worked out with Sans, keep this from getting ruined.

Can Sans... see Nyarlathotep’s EXP and LV levels in any place but the judgement hall? Presumably not, or he would be more worried about Nya walking into Snowdin.

Sans doesn’t talk, in the places where Nya knows that he should. Just watches. Speaks, when Papyrus’s lines insist on it. Radiates confusion when Nya pays for a lot of Nice Cream and then wanders around solving puzzles and sparing monsters while eating it.

how’s that nice cream treatin ya my dude

pretty well. You’re good at making treats.

little a treat. as a treat

Already big treat as a treat with all of this.

Nyarlathotep teaches Papyrus how to make spaghetti, on their friend date. Sans watches. Papyrus doesn’t notice. Papyrus is refreshingly simple to talk to and be around. And also takes cooking directions remarkably well. So it’s pretty simple to give him directions and get edible spaghetti going.

Sans’s Gaster Blasters watch too, sharp eyes and suspicious miens as Nya walks Papyrus through how to remember that you’re cooking and actually follow instructions. It’s incredibly tempting to toss spaghetti like a stick for them, and see what happens. Nya represses that urge.

fuckin coward

Me or Sans?

you. throw the spaghetti stick. you won’t 

You got me! I won’t!

Nya refuses to be goaded into throwing the spaghetti stick.

No one else has noticed that Nya isn’t human, and- well, it makes sense with the story. Nya is enjoying making something approaching friends with everyone, in any case (can’t really be friends it’s not safe to be friends with Nyarlathotep (shouldn’t be friends with Lyf shouldn’t be endangering them should be treating them like Dad treats nym but. That would hurt Lyf.) and making friends is selfish of her) and Lyf did make Space Undertale which is _known_ for being a game where you make friends and Lyf wouldn’t.

Lyf wouldn’t hurt them. (On purpose.)

Sans doesn’t invite cer to Grillby’s. It’s almost a relief.

Sans watches xem have a concert with Shyren. The concert itself is fun, and Nya enjoys it, even as the band gracefully retires from the stage and goes into retirement. Waterfall, overall, is nice. Nya enjoys the drip-drip-drip from the ceiling, the twinkling lights in the darkness, and even the occasional ruffle of Flowey in the distance as he follows vir route.

It’s peaceful. Talking with Gerson is peaceful, sitting down with a cup of tea and talking history, (Lyf has put so much work into this, done it for Nya, how can she not explore every nook and cranny and talk with all the inhabitants, no matter how annoyed Shub-Niggurath is?) just enjoying a conversation for once.

He even sticks nir face right onto the telescope eyepiece and lets the paint stain around aer eye, which confuses Sans, adding an excellent little snack to the world Lyf has made.

No one except Lyf needs to know how long Nyarlathotep spent in Temmie Village, lying under a pile of Temmies.

mushroom dance mushroom dance whatever could it mean

[mushroomdance.gif]

Sans is in the background, looking confused, of the photo Nya takes of xemself in the old tutu and ballet shoes. Undyne just looks vaguely enraged that Nya is doing a photoshoot with the torn notebook and cloudy glasses during her battle.

She’s just confused when he manifests a bathtub’s worth of water to dump on her, in Hotland. So in order to make sure she doesn’t dry off again, Nya lifts ice from the ground, making a slide that should get her the rest of the way back, nice and cool. Hotland is bright, and Nya admires the glamours around rails, keeping people from falling off but not letting them know that rails exist.

Lyf does good work, even if it does mean that the Young cannot just be booted into lava. Shub-Niggurath’s complaining is starting to get on Nyarlathotep’s nerves. They’re going to go through this at aer own pace, thanks _very_ much.

Ey ride back and forth with Boatperson a bit, just for the hell of it. Boatperson is excellent.

Alphys is also fun. Nya also has no idea how to do social interactions as herself, so ce thinks that it goes swimmingly. Mettaton is fun as well, although Nya has no idea how ve ends up friend-flirting with him.

Lyf said ace mettaton rights

And you were right.

I often am

Gently eyes mettaton for leaving napstablook but decides to leave that for later.

oh there is a whole subplot there babey I fleshed that shit out

Oh? Fuck yeah I will look into that more.

The whole thing goes a bit sideways when Nya gets a bit too meta and asks about the True Lab. They just don’t want to bother backtracking. It seems rude to cut elevator cables, though, both to Alphys and to Lyf, since they made this world.

Probably also rude to ditch Alyphs while she’s feeding the amalgamates, but Nya does anyways. And it leads to a nice conversation with Flowey, and a possible new friend when Flowey agrees to travel around in a flowerpot with xem. So ze wanders the rest of the True Lab, finding keys and unlocking lore and maybe spending hours letting Endogeny lie on top of cer, enjoying the pressure and the Dog Presence even as Flowey whines. Nya texts Lyf a bit, and gets zir face licked. Which is a bit weird, when the tongue is technically licking the endless void, but also pleasant, so Nya doesn’t stop Endogeny.

Then it’s time to ascend again.

Sans lets Nya purchase hot dogs, and looks incredibly confused when they don’t fall off, even as Nya looks downward to talk to Flowey. Sans also looks confused about that. Nya is not sure what exactly is confusing about the concept of a flower in a pot.

*you’re not what i expected at all, pal.

“Had bad experiences with embodiments of the void, have you?”

*hah. no, haven’t met one before. there’s just something off about you, pal. Sans’s eye flares blue. but you haven’t done anything yet. so i suppose you get a chance.

*anyone who can balance 30 hot dogs on their head can’t be all bad. 

“Oh, very gracious of you.” Flowey squints between Sans and Nya as Nya sweeps away, and doesn’t ask.

Nya’s grateful for that.

The less said about the attempted death threat in the MTT restaurant the better (Nya shouldn’t have brought up timelines there’s definitely a limit on acceptable meta knowledge to drop and she blew right past it). Nyarlathotep would rather remember the excellent dance-off with Mettaton, who was happy to pose with Nya in the two different outfits, and the conversation, later, about family, and enjoying the family you did have that could actually understand your thought processes.

gentle reminder that I care you and also sick fuckin moves bro

Thanks I used eldritch knowledge. Care you as well.

And then it’s time for judgement, and Nya gently shifts Flowey forward to the throne room before coming back, and staring at Sans.

*dude.

*what the fuck.

“I’m going to need you to specify.”

*your whole thing, basically.

“Which part of my whole thing.”

*i’ve been watching. you haven’t killed anyone. how the hell.

“Oh, you know.”

*i really don’t. so. EXP is Execution Points and LOVE is Level Of ViolencE. how the hell do you have all of that EXP and LV when you haven’t killed a single monster.

“Oh! You know!” 

Nya is fairly certain that their smile looks fake enough to be sold by Redd on a boat in the back of an island town.

*the worst part, though-

“Please don’t.”

*is your HP. HoPe, you know.

“Once again I am asking you to not.”

Sans’s eye is bright blue, and he is sweating as he speaks, aware that by putting himself in a place to *Check Nyarlathotep ce could retaliate.

*how the hell does someone with a higher than 20 LV have an HP of 1?

Nyarlathotep spares Sans.

*are you going to answer the question?

“No. I don’t know you. You haven’t talked to me. You’ve acted like I’m killing everyone. I taught Papyrus how to make actual spaghetti and you just stood right out of sight with a blaster ready. So I don’t think I will. Are you going to let me pass?”

The ghost, hanging next to Sans, is staring at them, and it’s- disconcerting. Not the ghost- they’ve been hanging around the skeleton the whole time, after taking one look at em in the beginning and leaving.

Which was well enough. Xe didn’t want to deal with Chara when ne already had to deal with Shub-Niggurath speaking through her bleating Young. Music has been playing the whole time, a soft and muffled Megalovania.

“You’re going to let me pass, or you’re going to have a bad time.”

*i suppose i am.

Sans steps to the side, leaving the passage open.

*might as well go get a drink at grillby’s, then. Sans eyes Nyarlathotep. *if you want to talk, you can meet me there after.

“No, I’ll see you shortly. But after that, then perhaps we can share a bottle of ketchup, yes.” Nya moves past Sans.

Ce has a sentient flower’s father to fight, after all.

On the brain phone, Nya can tell Lyf spends quite a while typing, but ultimately no messages go through. 

Fighting with Asriel is- well.

Well, it’s a bit on the nose.

They win, of course.

Everyone’s freed.

Nya walks back, going through all the places that ae’ve been, and if she’s a bit hurt that the peoplemonsters that were friends looked a bit sideways at him after having seen what ce’d had to do to be to survive in this game world long enough to be able to spare Asriel, well. They’re all alive, and that’s what matters.

Lying under Endogeny is still incredibly comforting.

Sitting in the flowers, looking up at the mountain and the thin ray of sky in the distance, Nya waits for Flowey to be ready to go. He didn’t want to stay, he said, didn’t want to be here where there were expectations and a family that wouldn’t know how to fit him in, and. Well.

Nyarlathotep didn’t have a home for him, but Nya does have a friend in Lyf, who will probably provide a place for Flowey, and also Flowey would definitely enjoy taking over as representative in a cult, so Nya can keep Flowey busy and happy.

The flowers are more comfortable to sit on than they should be.

There’s an outfit in the flowers.

Like Frisk’s, but different.

There had been a choice all along, and she had made it without knowing it, slipping on Frisk’s and walking those steps, taking the pacifist route without question, _making friends_ and Father is going to- Father wouldn’t- Nyarlathotep bundles those emotions and thoughts deep enough that they won’t be perceivable despite the connection ey’ve left open for Lyf. Lyf doesn’t need to hear the worry-panic-fear of realizing that he didn’t even _look_ for Chara’s outfit, just assumed that True Pacifist was the right route and went on it, and now what will happen, the Blind Idiot God won’t be _happy_ for all that happy isn’t a concept that doesn’t apply to any outer god but virself and this is really not the emotional path that Nya wants to go down after what has really been a very positive experience, so Nya bottles that right up and sets it with the other panic attacks in the basement wine cellar of his brain.

Hopefully it won’t explode next time dear old dad wants cer to go destroy a planet or two as a midnight snack. Maybe ze actually should go talk with Sans. After getting Flowey situated somewhere comfortable and thanking Lyf for recreating Undertale.

...hey. cut that shit the fuck out. I’m a big godling and more importantly I have been to godsdamn therapy and I know you shouldn’t repress things you don’t have to. which. you never need to repress things like that for my sake. 

I’ll repress all I want to. I need to stock my cellar of vintage emotional amontillado. Anyways unrelated just remembered have a photo album [babyphotos.szip] ((a collection of photos of Nyarlathotep, always the same-proportioned human-shaped void, starting about the size of a baby and slowly increasing in size until the last photo, which is Nyarlathotep the size of a star wearing a planet with a tassel attached.))

bro do you think this is my first day at deflection detection? good album but alas it shan’t work on me I’ve been traumatized for too long I know all the tricks

Ah damn. Caught. Will simply appear for hugs.

you better :knifelyf:

\-----

  
  


Later, it’s simple to materialize in Grillby’s Bar, on the stool next to Sans. He jumps, a bit.

*warn a skeleton, won’t you? you have my phone number.

“You were here. And free.” Nya flags down Grillby and gets fries and a bottle of ketchup. “So I appeared instead of walking in from the door. It’s the same final effect. What does it matter how I do it?” Nya drinks some of the ketchup, and shoves some of the fries into aer mouth. “It’s a public space, not a house or a private room.”

Sans snorts.

*is that what you’ve learned about manners? wow. you’re worse than Papyrus, like that. it’s just polite not to appear out of nowhere. scares people.

Nya frowns.

“Surely there’s monsters that can do that as well. What’s their etiquette on the matter?”

*it’s, uh, not appearing right next to someone.

“Well. Alright, then. That isn’t actually why I appeared, in any case.”

*gonna tell me why you are here?

Nya toys with the bottle of ketchup. Maybe it’s not supposed to be for drinking? Well. It’s definitely not, normally, but in Snowdin, who knows. And Sans did it, and Nya is trying to fit in with him.

“You can read LOVE levels.”

*yup.

“Will-” Nya stops. It’s a question that opens up too much for Sans to look at, right now. “You didn’t know, did you, when I started, what mine were.”

*nope. there’s a vibe, but you didn’t quite match it. way too happy going through those puzzles and sparing everyone. Sans looks at the bar, and his own plate of fries. *and you didn’t kill toriel, so. i wasn’t going to try and kill you right there.

“Mmm, good luck with that.”

Sans darts a glance at Nya, and ae can feel him *Check without starting a battle. It’s mildly impressive.

*even with a whole doubled 2HP, i can still take you.

Nya pops a fry into nir mouth and takes another swallow of ketchup.

*what aren’t you saying, buddy?

“You’ve got meta-knowledge. I think you know.” The ketchup is not quite hitting the same. “I’ll just come back.” Nya gets a new bottle from Grillby. “I just keep on coming back.” Sans looks a bit worried. “Oh, don’t bother. I’m not going to do anything to any of you. What’s the point of saving a miniature civilization if you’re going to turn around and betray it?” Well, the point was madness, and the sweet taste of despair, but not with this one. Lyf would be sad. And Nyarlathotep didn’t want to destroy proof that she could make friends.

*is saying that sort of shit why your LOVE fluctuates?

“Didn’t know that it did.”

*yup. up and down all over. i just didn’t notice when i was judging you since it’s already so damn high. now that i’m looking, though? buddy, you’ve got a lot of conflict going on up there.

Nya vanishes. There are no texts, but through the connection ze can feel an influx of _lovecomfortcare._

  
  


\----

Nyarlathotep is branching out from spaghetti with Papyrus when they see Sans next. Well. That’s not entirely accurate. Nya has seen Sans, but Sans hasn’t wanted to talk to Nya, and Nya hasn’t pressed the issue. Now, though, Nya has been firmly chivvied out of the kitchen by Papyrus, and is sitting on the couch, and Sans has sat down, and Nya would very much like to just disappear, but that would disappoint Papyrus. Ah. Sans’s master plan.

*thanks for actually getting some edible meals around the place

*i wouldn’t tell Papyrus this, obviously, but i was getting a bit bored of ‘dogs and fries every night.

“I won’t tell him, either.” Nya pauses, but forges ahead. “Why didn’t you try?” 

Sans manages to give the impression of raising an eyebrow.

*and when was i supposed to do that? in the few hours between being created fully-fledged and you appearing? i don’t think so.

*besides. i don’t know how to cook either.

*in any case. nice distraction, but no. what’s up with your LOVE, buddy? how can yours be going slowly downwards when your EXP is going up?

“Oh, well. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to while your only friend has relentlessly been trying to get you to understand morals and ethics.” Nya shrinks in a bit, thinking about it. “In retrospect. I think they made all of this to prove to me that I wasn’t inherently bad. Which, well. Sorry to get into the reasons for your existence. Lyf isn’t going to come along and wipe you all now that you exist, though.” Nya’s tone goes bitter. “And you’re in control of yourself.”

*... you’ve got some issues, huh?

“I think that’s pretty clear. In that apparently anyone I’m actually myself around can tell. Warlocks, no, cults, no, but - well. Not important. Yes, I have issues. Great to hear that my ability to distance myself from my job is going down.”

*that’s rough, buddy.

“Yeah. I know. So can you stop being ready to try and murder me when I’m just passing on the cooking lessons that I have been given?”

*i will consider it.

That’s probably the best Nyarlathotep is going to get, here.

It’s a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Nyarlathotep is feeding on your confusion about this fic, and for that reason alone I shall post it. Do not @ me but I do love comments.


End file.
